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现如今，打开电视机，各大频道都在火热地播放着各种形式的相亲节目。在如今这个不淡定的社会，单身似乎就意味着凄凄惨惨戚戚，寂寞空虚冷，脱单是每个“剩斗士”的头等大事。尤其是广大剩女同胞们，每天不是被父母逼着去跟哪个亲戚介绍的对象见面，就是被各种闺蜜朋友拉去参加无聊透顶的联谊。然而，现代社会的单身大多不是自己所能选择的，而是被迫单下来的。很多女性其实很想找个伴侣，很想结婚，但理想和现实总是差距甚远，于是就这样阴差阳错变成剩女。虽然这是一个很无奈的事实，但是你仍然可以活得更好。毕竟，在通往幸福的旅途中，有很多条路可以选择。下一站，幸福！
Audie Cornish （Host）： Over the years， as women have gained financial and social independence， they’ve had a profound effect on the workplace and the economy. We’re exploring that impact in our series about the changing lives of women， and for this 2）installment， we’ll start with the single ladies.
Pop-culture images of the single woman has been a mixed bag. It’s evolved from Mary Tyler Moore to When Harry Met Sally and later Sex and the City， to 30 Rock’s Liz Lemon. Writer Rebecca Traister says until very recently， it was marriage that marked the beginning of a woman’s adult life. But in the last few decades， there’s been a dramatic jump in the average age women get married， from around age 22 to nearly 27 with major effects.
Rebecca Traister： We have now shifted our vision of what an adult woman’s life path usually 3）entails， and it now entails some period of economic， social， sexual independence.
Cornish： Traister is a senior editor at the New Republic. She’s working on a book about unmarried women. She says while the shift in marriage patterns is mostly a good thing for women， at times it’s also been viewed as a 4）destabilizing force in society.
Traister： The lack of marriage is being blamed for almost every social ill， whether it’s gun violence， whether it’s poverty， whether it’s the dropping birthrate—you have 5）demographers worried about the fact that as people marry later， they’re having fewer children. Single women come in for an enormous amount of blame politically and culturally. So that’s one set of messages. Another set is this kind of 6）glamorization， whether it’s Sex and the City， which is now 10 years old， or whether it’s the New Girl or Mindy Kaling. You see all new depictions of women living independently and having interesting， varied lives.
Cornish： So you’re finishing up a book right now on single women， and you’ve talked to many single women. What is the reality that they’re living out？
Traister： Well， the reality is much more complicated. I mean， I think we make a mistake when we create a 7）binary between， you’re either married or you’re unmarried. Once you lift the 8）imperative that everybody get married at age 22， what you get is an infinite variety of paths. It’s not simply some argument that single life is 9）inherently better than married life. The fact is there are all kinds of married lives and all kinds of single lives， and more people are now free to go down a variety of paths. Cornish： At the same time， it was always believed that economic wealth and even kind of culturally， that happiness was attributed—right？—to being in a marriage. And certainly politically that has been the message， that marriage makes lives better， particularly for people who are struggling financially. Are people looking at that differently？ Has that message changed？
Traister： Well， solid marriages do make many lives happier， but finding a solid marriage， as many of us know， isn’t something that happens easily. And the idea that marriage simply as marriage， finding a partner—if you’re talking 10）heterosexually， finding a man—is going to improve your emotional or economic life is a real myth. And the imperative that you find that partner in order to have a complete or happy life can lead you down a very dangerous path because of course marriage to just another person isn’t necessarily going to improve your life. In fact it may make your life much worse if you have a poor emotional connection， no emotional connection， if that person is struggling economically in the same way that you are， if that person is in any way 11）abusive. All these things are realities lived every day by married people. So marriage in and of itself isn’t a cure for poverty or unhappiness. Good marriages， economically stable marriages， emotionally rewarding marriages， are a 12）tremendous 13）perk for people.
Cornish： So you’ve called this a mass shift. What are the implications of that？
Traister： Well， you basically have the creation of a new population. One clear example is that single women actually in 2012 made up 23 percent of the 14）electorate and they—they voted overwhelmingly for Barack Obama over Mitt Romney. You have women who are earning money in places where they’d never earned money before. You have women who are single who are having babies out of 15）wedlock； more than 50 percent of first births are now to unmarried women. It destabilizes the power structures that had existed before because to have women living independently in these ways—voting， having babies or earning money—it removes some of the power that had traditionally belonged to men，who have long been in economic and political power.
Cornish： How much of this is basically about the economy，across the board， that people are making this choice not necessarily because they want to—I mean， a surveyconducted by the Pew Research Center showed that marriage is still a life goal. You know， how does this 16）reconcile？ Traister： Well， I think the fact that women have unprecedented economic opportunity that， you know， they’re now permitted to and in fact， in many cases， expected to go out and earn money， they are busy doing other things. That does not mean that many women and men don’t still have the desire to partner， to fall in love. But the actual economic 17）tolls of marriage and motherhood， which are very real， mean that often they’re electing not to take on those tolls of marriage and motherhood early in their careers when they are now in a position to be out stabilizing themselves economically.
Cornish： You mean it takes you out of the running for those jobs or it hurts your earning power， and so women are saying， you know what， I’m just not going to do it？
Traister： Right， or I’m not going to do it right now. It’s not necessary politicized. It’s a human sense of， I don’t want to get tied down and distracted by my emotional life right now as I’m establishing myself as an adult. That doesn’t mean that the desire for love， partnership and companionship is removed. The kinds of strategic choices that women across classes are making about when to marry， when to have children， how to commit themselves to their career， how to make money， doesn’t mean that any of them don’t yearn for companionship. But there are also a series of practical choices now available to them， ways of balancing the different things they can do with their lives， that often mean that marriage doesn’t necessarily have to come first and that in fact in many cases， it doesn’t make strategic sense for marriage to come first.
Cornish： Well， Rebecca Traister， thanks so much for talking with us.
Traister： Thank you so much for inviting me.
奥蒂·科尼什（主持人）：多年来，随着女性获得经济和社会生活的独立，她们对职场和经济产生了深远的影响。我们的系列节目正在探究女性生活方式的改变所带来的影响，而在这个部分中，我们开始讨论单身女性。
单身女性在流行文化中的形象一直是好坏参半。从《玛丽·泰勒·摩尔秀》到《当哈利遇上莎莉》，然后到《欲望都市》，再后来便是《我为喜剧狂》里面的莉斯·莱蒙。作家丽贝卡·特雷斯特说到目前为止，婚姻依然标志着一个女人成年生活的开始。但在过去的几十年里，女性的平均结婚年龄产生了戏剧性的变化，从22岁左右上升到将近27岁，带来了重大影响。
丽贝卡·特雷斯特：对影响女性生活轨迹的要素，我们现在的看法改变了，如今女性的生活方式受到一定时期的经济、社会以及性生活方面独立的影响。
科尼什：特雷斯特是《新共和》杂志的资深编辑，她在写一本有关未婚女性的书。她说尽管婚姻模式的改变总的来说对女性是有利的，但是有时候也会被看作是社会的不稳定因素。
特雷斯特：婚姻的缺失被归咎为几乎所有社会问题的根源。像是枪支暴力、贫困、持续下降的出生率--人口学家们担心随着人们结婚年龄的推迟，他们生育的孩子会越来越少。单身女性对政治和文化的影响难辞其咎。因此这是要传达的一种信息。另一种信息是这种（单身女性）魅力的渲染，不管是在10年前的《欲望都市》里，还是在《杰茜驾到》里，或是敏迪·卡灵（译者注：她兼具美国导演、演员、编剧于一身，因身材肥胖但却才华洋溢而受到很多女性的追捧）--你可以看到对女性独立以及丰富多彩生活的所有新的描绘。
科尼什：那么你目前快要完成一本有关单身女性的书，你也和许多单身女性聊过，她们的生活现状是怎样的？ 特雷斯特：好吧，现实的情况更加复杂。我的意思是，当我们设定了两种情况--结婚和未婚时，我们就犯错误了。一旦你撤消了“每个人都应该在22岁结婚”的规定，到头来你却发现有无限种生活的方式。这不仅仅是争论单身生活本来就比婚姻生活好的问题，事实是，婚姻生活与单身生活都有很多种形式，越来越多的人都有多种可以选择的生活道路。
科尼什：与此同时，人们总是将经济的增长，甚至从某种文化角度上，幸福-对吗？-都归功于婚姻。当然政府也会宣扬，婚姻能让生活更美好，特别是对那些经济拮据的人们。人们对此有不同的看法吗？这些信息有没有改变？
特雷斯特：好吧，稳定的婚姻确实能让人生变得更加美满。但是我们许多人都知道，找到一段稳定的婚姻不是那么容易。那些单纯地为结婚而结婚，那就是找一个伴侣-如果你讨论的是异性恋，找一个男人就能改善你的精神或是经济状况的想法是存在疑点的。为了过完整或美满的人生你必须找一个伴侣，（这种想法）会引你走一条危险的人生道路，因为很显然与一个人结婚不一定能改善你的生活。事实上，如果你们的感情基础薄弱或是没有感情，如果那个人也和你一样在为钱发愁，如果那个人有虐待的倾向，那么婚姻就会使你的生活变得更糟。这些事情都是已婚的人每天都会面对的现实。因此婚姻本身不是治愈贫穷或是不幸的良方。好的婚姻，经济稳定的婚姻，精神上契合的婚姻，都是对人们极大的一种恩赐。
科尼什：那么你把这种情况叫大规模的转变。这里面有什么含义呢？
特雷斯特：好吧，社会产生了新一代人。一个明显的例子是2012年，单身女性占选民人数的23%。她们以压倒性的票数让巴拉克·奥巴马稳胜米特·罗姆尼。女性在之前从未从事过的领域赚钱；一些女性虽然未婚但却有了孩子。头一胎有超过50%都出自于未婚女性。这破坏了过去存在的权力结构的稳定性，因为现在女性能够独立地生活--选举、生孩子或者赚钱，这就分走了传统中长期以来应该属于男性的权力--经济和政治的权力。
科尼什：全面地来看，人们不情愿地作出了结婚这个决定，经济因素在这里占了多大的比重呢？我的意思是，皮尤研究中心（译者注：美国调查机构）做的一项调查显示，婚姻仍然是人们的一个人生目标。你懂的，这个问题如何协调解决呢？
特雷斯特：好吧，我认为女性有了前所未有的赚钱机会，你知道的，事实上她们现在被允许，在很多情况下，也希望能够出去赚钱，她们正在忙于做其他事情。这不意味着许多男性和女性没有相爱和找一个伴侣的欲望。但是结婚和当妈妈所要付出的经济代价是非常真实残酷的，意思是单身女性通常都不会在她们事业的初期选择承担这些代价，她们此时正需要稳定自己的经济状况。
科尼什：你的意思是结婚生子会让你丧失工作热情，或是影响你赢得地位的机会，所以女性才说，你知道吗，我不会这样做？
特雷斯特：嗯，或者是我目前不会这样做。这不一定要上纲上线。这只是人的一种想法--我还在成长中，不希望因为结婚而受到情绪的影响。这不代表对爱情、共同生活以及陪伴的渴望被磨灭。这些各阶层女性的策略性选择——什么时候结婚，什么时候生孩子，如何追求自己的事业，怎么赚钱不代表她们中有任何一个人不渴望有人陪伴。现在她们面前有许多可行的选择，她们有多种方式来平衡生活中不同的事情，这通常说明婚姻不一定是首要完成的事，而事实上在许多情况中，把婚姻看成首选不是明智的选择。
科尼什：好的，丽贝卡·特雷斯特，非常谢谢你的到来。
特雷斯特：我也十分感谢你的邀请。
Audie Cornish （Host）： Over the years， as women have gained financial and social independence， they’ve had a profound effect on the workplace and the economy. We’re exploring that impact in our series about the changing lives of women， and for this 2）installment， we’ll start with the single ladies.
Pop-culture images of the single woman has been a mixed bag. It’s evolved from Mary Tyler Moore to When Harry Met Sally and later Sex and the City， to 30 Rock’s Liz Lemon. Writer Rebecca Traister says until very recently， it was marriage that marked the beginning of a woman’s adult life. But in the last few decades， there’s been a dramatic jump in the average age women get married， from around age 22 to nearly 27 with major effects.
Rebecca Traister： We have now shifted our vision of what an adult woman’s life path usually 3）entails， and it now entails some period of economic， social， sexual independence.
Cornish： Traister is a senior editor at the New Republic. She’s working on a book about unmarried women. She says while the shift in marriage patterns is mostly a good thing for women， at times it’s also been viewed as a 4）destabilizing force in society.
Traister： The lack of marriage is being blamed for almost every social ill， whether it’s gun violence， whether it’s poverty， whether it’s the dropping birthrate—you have 5）demographers worried about the fact that as people marry later， they’re having fewer children. Single women come in for an enormous amount of blame politically and culturally. So that’s one set of messages. Another set is this kind of 6）glamorization， whether it’s Sex and the City， which is now 10 years old， or whether it’s the New Girl or Mindy Kaling. You see all new depictions of women living independently and having interesting， varied lives.
Cornish： So you’re finishing up a book right now on single women， and you’ve talked to many single women. What is the reality that they’re living out？
Traister： Well， the reality is much more complicated. I mean， I think we make a mistake when we create a 7）binary between， you’re either married or you’re unmarried. Once you lift the 8）imperative that everybody get married at age 22， what you get is an infinite variety of paths. It’s not simply some argument that single life is 9）inherently better than married life. The fact is there are all kinds of married lives and all kinds of single lives， and more people are now free to go down a variety of paths. Cornish： At the same time， it was always believed that economic wealth and even kind of culturally， that happiness was attributed—right？—to being in a marriage. And certainly politically that has been the message， that marriage makes lives better， particularly for people who are struggling financially. Are people looking at that differently？ Has that message changed？
Traister： Well， solid marriages do make many lives happier， but finding a solid marriage， as many of us know， isn’t something that happens easily. And the idea that marriage simply as marriage， finding a partner—if you’re talking 10）heterosexually， finding a man—is going to improve your emotional or economic life is a real myth. And the imperative that you find that partner in order to have a complete or happy life can lead you down a very dangerous path because of course marriage to just another person isn’t necessarily going to improve your life. In fact it may make your life much worse if you have a poor emotional connection， no emotional connection， if that person is struggling economically in the same way that you are， if that person is in any way 11）abusive. All these things are realities lived every day by married people. So marriage in and of itself isn’t a cure for poverty or unhappiness. Good marriages， economically stable marriages， emotionally rewarding marriages， are a 12）tremendous 13）perk for people.
Cornish： So you’ve called this a mass shift. What are the implications of that？
Traister： Well， you basically have the creation of a new population. One clear example is that single women actually in 2012 made up 23 percent of the 14）electorate and they—they voted overwhelmingly for Barack Obama over Mitt Romney. You have women who are earning money in places where they’d never earned money before. You have women who are single who are having babies out of 15）wedlock； more than 50 percent of first births are now to unmarried women. It destabilizes the power structures that had existed before because to have women living independently in these ways—voting， having babies or earning money—it removes some of the power that had traditionally belonged to men，who have long been in economic and political power.
Cornish： How much of this is basically about the economy，across the board， that people are making this choice not necessarily because they want to—I mean， a surveyconducted by the Pew Research Center showed that marriage is still a life goal. You know， how does this 16）reconcile？ Traister： Well， I think the fact that women have unprecedented economic opportunity that， you know， they’re now permitted to and in fact， in many cases， expected to go out and earn money， they are busy doing other things. That does not mean that many women and men don’t still have the desire to partner， to fall in love. But the actual economic 17）tolls of marriage and motherhood， which are very real， mean that often they’re electing not to take on those tolls of marriage and motherhood early in their careers when they are now in a position to be out stabilizing themselves economically.
Cornish： You mean it takes you out of the running for those jobs or it hurts your earning power， and so women are saying， you know what， I’m just not going to do it？
Traister： Right， or I’m not going to do it right now. It’s not necessary politicized. It’s a human sense of， I don’t want to get tied down and distracted by my emotional life right now as I’m establishing myself as an adult. That doesn’t mean that the desire for love， partnership and companionship is removed. The kinds of strategic choices that women across classes are making about when to marry， when to have children， how to commit themselves to their career， how to make money， doesn’t mean that any of them don’t yearn for companionship. But there are also a series of practical choices now available to them， ways of balancing the different things they can do with their lives， that often mean that marriage doesn’t necessarily have to come first and that in fact in many cases， it doesn’t make strategic sense for marriage to come first.
Cornish： Well， Rebecca Traister， thanks so much for talking with us.
Traister： Thank you so much for inviting me.
奥蒂·科尼什（主持人）：多年来，随着女性获得经济和社会生活的独立，她们对职场和经济产生了深远的影响。我们的系列节目正在探究女性生活方式的改变所带来的影响，而在这个部分中，我们开始讨论单身女性。
单身女性在流行文化中的形象一直是好坏参半。从《玛丽·泰勒·摩尔秀》到《当哈利遇上莎莉》，然后到《欲望都市》，再后来便是《我为喜剧狂》里面的莉斯·莱蒙。作家丽贝卡·特雷斯特说到目前为止，婚姻依然标志着一个女人成年生活的开始。但在过去的几十年里，女性的平均结婚年龄产生了戏剧性的变化，从22岁左右上升到将近27岁，带来了重大影响。
丽贝卡·特雷斯特：对影响女性生活轨迹的要素，我们现在的看法改变了，如今女性的生活方式受到一定时期的经济、社会以及性生活方面独立的影响。
科尼什：特雷斯特是《新共和》杂志的资深编辑，她在写一本有关未婚女性的书。她说尽管婚姻模式的改变总的来说对女性是有利的，但是有时候也会被看作是社会的不稳定因素。
特雷斯特：婚姻的缺失被归咎为几乎所有社会问题的根源。像是枪支暴力、贫困、持续下降的出生率--人口学家们担心随着人们结婚年龄的推迟，他们生育的孩子会越来越少。单身女性对政治和文化的影响难辞其咎。因此这是要传达的一种信息。另一种信息是这种（单身女性）魅力的渲染，不管是在10年前的《欲望都市》里，还是在《杰茜驾到》里，或是敏迪·卡灵（译者注：她兼具美国导演、演员、编剧于一身，因身材肥胖但却才华洋溢而受到很多女性的追捧）--你可以看到对女性独立以及丰富多彩生活的所有新的描绘。
科尼什：那么你目前快要完成一本有关单身女性的书，你也和许多单身女性聊过，她们的生活现状是怎样的？ 特雷斯特：好吧，现实的情况更加复杂。我的意思是，当我们设定了两种情况--结婚和未婚时，我们就犯错误了。一旦你撤消了“每个人都应该在22岁结婚”的规定，到头来你却发现有无限种生活的方式。这不仅仅是争论单身生活本来就比婚姻生活好的问题，事实是，婚姻生活与单身生活都有很多种形式，越来越多的人都有多种可以选择的生活道路。
科尼什：与此同时，人们总是将经济的增长，甚至从某种文化角度上，幸福-对吗？-都归功于婚姻。当然政府也会宣扬，婚姻能让生活更美好，特别是对那些经济拮据的人们。人们对此有不同的看法吗？这些信息有没有改变？
特雷斯特：好吧，稳定的婚姻确实能让人生变得更加美满。但是我们许多人都知道，找到一段稳定的婚姻不是那么容易。那些单纯地为结婚而结婚，那就是找一个伴侣-如果你讨论的是异性恋，找一个男人就能改善你的精神或是经济状况的想法是存在疑点的。为了过完整或美满的人生你必须找一个伴侣，（这种想法）会引你走一条危险的人生道路，因为很显然与一个人结婚不一定能改善你的生活。事实上，如果你们的感情基础薄弱或是没有感情，如果那个人也和你一样在为钱发愁，如果那个人有虐待的倾向，那么婚姻就会使你的生活变得更糟。这些事情都是已婚的人每天都会面对的现实。因此婚姻本身不是治愈贫穷或是不幸的良方。好的婚姻，经济稳定的婚姻，精神上契合的婚姻，都是对人们极大的一种恩赐。
科尼什：那么你把这种情况叫大规模的转变。这里面有什么含义呢？
特雷斯特：好吧，社会产生了新一代人。一个明显的例子是2012年，单身女性占选民人数的23%。她们以压倒性的票数让巴拉克·奥巴马稳胜米特·罗姆尼。女性在之前从未从事过的领域赚钱；一些女性虽然未婚但却有了孩子。头一胎有超过50%都出自于未婚女性。这破坏了过去存在的权力结构的稳定性，因为现在女性能够独立地生活--选举、生孩子或者赚钱，这就分走了传统中长期以来应该属于男性的权力--经济和政治的权力。
科尼什：全面地来看，人们不情愿地作出了结婚这个决定，经济因素在这里占了多大的比重呢？我的意思是，皮尤研究中心（译者注：美国调查机构）做的一项调查显示，婚姻仍然是人们的一个人生目标。你懂的，这个问题如何协调解决呢？
特雷斯特：好吧，我认为女性有了前所未有的赚钱机会，你知道的，事实上她们现在被允许，在很多情况下，也希望能够出去赚钱，她们正在忙于做其他事情。这不意味着许多男性和女性没有相爱和找一个伴侣的欲望。但是结婚和当妈妈所要付出的经济代价是非常真实残酷的，意思是单身女性通常都不会在她们事业的初期选择承担这些代价，她们此时正需要稳定自己的经济状况。
科尼什：你的意思是结婚生子会让你丧失工作热情，或是影响你赢得地位的机会，所以女性才说，你知道吗，我不会这样做？
特雷斯特：嗯，或者是我目前不会这样做。这不一定要上纲上线。这只是人的一种想法--我还在成长中，不希望因为结婚而受到情绪的影响。这不代表对爱情、共同生活以及陪伴的渴望被磨灭。这些各阶层女性的策略性选择——什么时候结婚，什么时候生孩子，如何追求自己的事业，怎么赚钱不代表她们中有任何一个人不渴望有人陪伴。现在她们面前有许多可行的选择，她们有多种方式来平衡生活中不同的事情，这通常说明婚姻不一定是首要完成的事，而事实上在许多情况中，把婚姻看成首选不是明智的选择。
科尼什：好的，丽贝卡·特雷斯特，非常谢谢你的到来。
特雷斯特：我也十分感谢你的邀请。