论文部分内容阅读
阅读下表信息,以“Save wild animals”为题写一篇短文,并发表自己的观点｡
字数: 120左右｡
学生习作:
There has been some progresses① in saving wild animals. There used to be many pandas in China, but because people changed pandas’ living areas into farmlands, there were less② bamboo growing areas. As a result, pandas had not enough food, and nearly all of them were③ disappeared. Luckily, our government set up bamboo areas to help pandas grow. Now, there are about 70 pandas live④ in our country. Milu deer used to be common in our country but because people hunted them for food, they complete⑤ disappeared in our country. Our government had to take⑥ some from Britain. Now, about 500 Milu deer live in our country. In ∧⑦ 1950’s, there were over 4,000 South China tigers in our country, but due to the destruction of their natural habitats and uncontroled hunting, only a few were left. Now there are about 30-60 South China tigers after being left in peace with no hunting. Obviously, only by protecting wild animals can we live together with them. Therefore, we should try to protect them with⑧ all kinds of means.
修改说明: ① progress为不可数名词,无复数,progresses应改为progress｡② areas为可数名词,less应改为fewer｡③ disappear没有被动语态,应去掉were｡④ 此处多余谓语,应删去live或将live改为living｡⑤ disappeared为谓语动词,应用副词修饰,complete应改为completely｡⑥ 此处表示从远处带至近处,take应改为bring｡⑦ 在二十世纪五十年代应表达为in the 1950’s｡⑧“用……手段”应表达为“by ... means”,with应改为 by｡
点评: 本篇书面表达习作为表格式书面表达,小作者根据写作要求从被危害方式､存在数目演变､保护方式､现有数目､自己观点等角度有序交待文意,文章层次清楚,脉络分明,具有较强的结构美｡but, As a result, Luckily, Now, but, Obviously, Therefore等众多过渡性词汇的使用增强了文章的连贯性,使文章具有较强的逻辑美｡There be句型､并列句､原因状语从句､被动语态等高级表达方式的运用增强了文章的表达效果,提升了文章的表达档次｡所有这些成为本文一道道亮丽的风景｡然而名词单复数错误､易混形容词错误､语态错误､多用动词错误､形容词副词混用错误､易混动词误用错误､冠词错误､介词错误表明小作者语言表达能力还有待改进｡然而从总体上讲本文不失为一篇成功之作,值得读者学习｡
参考答案:
There has been some progress in saving wild animals. There used to be many pandas in China, but because people changed pandas’ living areas into farmlands, there were fewerbamboo growing areas. As a result, pandas had not enough food, and nearly all of them disappeared. Luckily, our government set up bamboo areas to help pandas grow. Now, there are about 70 pandas in our country. Milu deer used to be common in our country but because people hunted them for food, they completely disappeared in our country. Our government had to bring some from Britain. Now, about 500 Milu deer live in our country. In the 1950’s, there were over 4,000 South China tigers in our country, but due to the destruction of their natural habitats and uncontroled hunting, only a few were left. Now there are about 30-60 South China tigers after being left in peace with no hunting. Obviously, only by protecting wild animals can we live together with them. Therefore, we should try to protect them by all kinds of means.
字数: 120左右｡
学生习作:
There has been some progresses① in saving wild animals. There used to be many pandas in China, but because people changed pandas’ living areas into farmlands, there were less② bamboo growing areas. As a result, pandas had not enough food, and nearly all of them were③ disappeared. Luckily, our government set up bamboo areas to help pandas grow. Now, there are about 70 pandas live④ in our country. Milu deer used to be common in our country but because people hunted them for food, they complete⑤ disappeared in our country. Our government had to take⑥ some from Britain. Now, about 500 Milu deer live in our country. In ∧⑦ 1950’s, there were over 4,000 South China tigers in our country, but due to the destruction of their natural habitats and uncontroled hunting, only a few were left. Now there are about 30-60 South China tigers after being left in peace with no hunting. Obviously, only by protecting wild animals can we live together with them. Therefore, we should try to protect them with⑧ all kinds of means.
修改说明: ① progress为不可数名词,无复数,progresses应改为progress｡② areas为可数名词,less应改为fewer｡③ disappear没有被动语态,应去掉were｡④ 此处多余谓语,应删去live或将live改为living｡⑤ disappeared为谓语动词,应用副词修饰,complete应改为completely｡⑥ 此处表示从远处带至近处,take应改为bring｡⑦ 在二十世纪五十年代应表达为in the 1950’s｡⑧“用……手段”应表达为“by ... means”,with应改为 by｡
点评: 本篇书面表达习作为表格式书面表达,小作者根据写作要求从被危害方式､存在数目演变､保护方式､现有数目､自己观点等角度有序交待文意,文章层次清楚,脉络分明,具有较强的结构美｡but, As a result, Luckily, Now, but, Obviously, Therefore等众多过渡性词汇的使用增强了文章的连贯性,使文章具有较强的逻辑美｡There be句型､并列句､原因状语从句､被动语态等高级表达方式的运用增强了文章的表达效果,提升了文章的表达档次｡所有这些成为本文一道道亮丽的风景｡然而名词单复数错误､易混形容词错误､语态错误､多用动词错误､形容词副词混用错误､易混动词误用错误､冠词错误､介词错误表明小作者语言表达能力还有待改进｡然而从总体上讲本文不失为一篇成功之作,值得读者学习｡
参考答案:
There has been some progress in saving wild animals. There used to be many pandas in China, but because people changed pandas’ living areas into farmlands, there were fewerbamboo growing areas. As a result, pandas had not enough food, and nearly all of them disappeared. Luckily, our government set up bamboo areas to help pandas grow. Now, there are about 70 pandas in our country. Milu deer used to be common in our country but because people hunted them for food, they completely disappeared in our country. Our government had to bring some from Britain. Now, about 500 Milu deer live in our country. In the 1950’s, there were over 4,000 South China tigers in our country, but due to the destruction of their natural habitats and uncontroled hunting, only a few were left. Now there are about 30-60 South China tigers after being left in peace with no hunting. Obviously, only by protecting wild animals can we live together with them. Therefore, we should try to protect them by all kinds of means.