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用昙花承载“刹那为无限”的主旨——得体。用“她”来指代昙花,源于“昙花原是王母娘娘身边最美的侍女”,“子夜……出来与心上人短暂相会”——新颖。此文还需要升格:第一,文章主旨应更加鲜明。第四自然段中的“我为她的身世撒一把泪水,纵然有同情,但更有由衷的敬意。她默默积蓄一点点能量,孕育一次次生命的奇迹”,宜改为“短暂也永恒”引出下文。第二,用自己的语言去替换“现成话”。标题应改为“昙花子夜开”;“白色如小提琴上奏着的名曲”味如“嚼过的馍”。拟题和行文要用自己的话表达。
The theme of “moment for infinity” is carried by the silk flower - decent. “She” is used to refer to the silk flower. It originated from “The most beautiful maid beside the Queen’s mother-in-law”. “Midnight ... comes out and meets my sweetheart briefly” - novel. This article also needs upgrading: First, the subject of the article should be more clear. In the fourth paragraph, “I sprinkle tears for her life. Even though I have sympathy, I have more sincere respect. She quietly accumulates a little energy and gives birth to miracles of life.” It should be replaced by “transient and eternal. “Lead below. Second, replace the ”ready-to-do“ with your own language. The title should be changed to ”昙花子夜开“; ”white as a fiddle to play the famous music“ taste like ”chewed 馍." Formulations and writing should be expressed in their own words.