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Several years ago, while attending a communications course, I experienced a most unusual process. The instructor asked us to list anything in our past that we felt ashamed of, guilty about, regretted, or incomplete about. The next week he invited participants to read their lists aloud. This seemed like a very private process, but there was always some brave soul in the crowd who would volunteer. As people read their lists, mine grew longer. After three weeks, I had 101 items on my list. The instructor then suggested that we find ways to make amends, apologize to people, or take some actions to right any wrongdoing. I was seriously wondering how this could ever improve my communication ability, having visions of alienating just about everyone from my life.
The next week, the man next to me raised his hand and volunteered this story:
“While making my list, I remembered an incident in high school. I grew up in a small town in Iowa. There was a sheriff in the town that none of us kids liked. One night, my two buddies and I decided to play a trick on Sheriff Brown. After drinking a few beers, we found a can of red paint, climbed the tall water tank in the middle of the town, and wrote, on the tank, in bright red letters: Sheriff Brown is an s.o.b.1. The next day, the town arose to see our glorious sign. Within two hours, Sheriff Brown had my two pals and me in his office. My friends confessed2 and I lied, denying the truth. No one ever found out.”
“Nearly 20 years later, Sheriff Brown’s name appears on my list. I didn’t even know if he was still alive. Last weekend, I dialed information in my hometown back in Iowa. Sure enough, there was a Roger Brown still listed. I dialed his number. After a few rings, I heard: ‘Hel－lo?’ I said:‘Sheriff Brown?’ Pause.‘Yup.’‘Well, this is Jimmy Calkins. And I want you to know that I did it.’Pause.‘I knew it!’ he yelled back. We had a good laugh and a lively discussion. His closing words were,‘Jimmy, I always felt bad for you because your buddies got it off their chest, and I knew you were carrying it around all these years. I want to thank you for calling me...for your sake.’”
Jimmy inspired3 me to clear up all 101 items on my list. It took me almost two years, but it be－came the springboard4 and true inspiration for my career as a conflict mediator. No matter how diffi－cult the conflict, crisis or situation, I always re－member that it’s never too late to clear up the past and begin resolution.
几年前，在参加了一个交际课程班时，我体验了一段不同寻常的经历。教员要求我们列出过去所有让我们羞愧、内疚、遗憾或未完成的事情。第二周他邀请学员们大声朗读他们的清单。这看起来像一个不宜公开的事情，但众多人中总有一些勇敢的人自愿参加。当人们读他们的清单时，我的那份变得更长了。三周过后，我的清单上有101条。然后教员建议我们找一些途径来弥补，向人道歉或采取行动改正错误。我很想知道这怎么能够提高我们的交际能力，这样做只能众叛亲离。
又过了一周，坐在我旁边的那个人举起手，自告奋勇地讲出了下面这个故事。
“当我写我的清单时，我想起了高中时的一件小事。我在爱荷华州的一个小城中长大，这里有一个我们孩子们都不喜欢的治安官。一天晚上，我和我的两个朋友决定捉弄一下治安官布朗。喝了一点儿啤酒后，我们找了一桶漆，爬到城中心的大水罐上，用明亮的红漆写道：治安官布朗是个s.o.b。第二天，全城的人起来后都看我们醒目的大标语。两小时内，治安官布朗派人把我和我的两个朋友带到了办公室。我的两个朋友承认了错误，而我撒了谎，隐瞒了事实。最终也没有人发现这件事。”
“大约20年过去了，治安官布朗的名字出现在我的清单上。我甚至不知道他是否还活着。上周末，我打电话到家乡爱荷华州查资料。这里竟然还有一个罗杰·布朗。我拨了他的号码，响了几声之后，我听见：‘喂？’我说：‘治安官布朗吗？’停了一下。‘是。’‘嗯，我是吉米·考克斯。我想让你知道我过去做的那件事。’又停了一下。‘我早知道了！’他大声说道。我们开心地笑了，并愉快地聊了一会儿。他最后说：‘吉米，我总是为你感到难过，因为你的朋友把事情从内心说了出来，而我知道你这些年一直在心里承受着这件事。我想谢谢你给我打电话———也是为了你自己的解脱。’”
吉米鼓励我处理好我清单上的101件事。这几乎花了我两年时间，但这件事变成了我从事矛盾调解员这个职业的发展起点和真正的鼓舞。不管矛盾、危机或情形多么困难，我总是记住清除过去的影响，并且开始解决问题，这样做永远都不晚。
The next week, the man next to me raised his hand and volunteered this story:
“While making my list, I remembered an incident in high school. I grew up in a small town in Iowa. There was a sheriff in the town that none of us kids liked. One night, my two buddies and I decided to play a trick on Sheriff Brown. After drinking a few beers, we found a can of red paint, climbed the tall water tank in the middle of the town, and wrote, on the tank, in bright red letters: Sheriff Brown is an s.o.b.1. The next day, the town arose to see our glorious sign. Within two hours, Sheriff Brown had my two pals and me in his office. My friends confessed2 and I lied, denying the truth. No one ever found out.”
“Nearly 20 years later, Sheriff Brown’s name appears on my list. I didn’t even know if he was still alive. Last weekend, I dialed information in my hometown back in Iowa. Sure enough, there was a Roger Brown still listed. I dialed his number. After a few rings, I heard: ‘Hel－lo?’ I said:‘Sheriff Brown?’ Pause.‘Yup.’‘Well, this is Jimmy Calkins. And I want you to know that I did it.’Pause.‘I knew it!’ he yelled back. We had a good laugh and a lively discussion. His closing words were,‘Jimmy, I always felt bad for you because your buddies got it off their chest, and I knew you were carrying it around all these years. I want to thank you for calling me...for your sake.’”
Jimmy inspired3 me to clear up all 101 items on my list. It took me almost two years, but it be－came the springboard4 and true inspiration for my career as a conflict mediator. No matter how diffi－cult the conflict, crisis or situation, I always re－member that it’s never too late to clear up the past and begin resolution.
几年前，在参加了一个交际课程班时，我体验了一段不同寻常的经历。教员要求我们列出过去所有让我们羞愧、内疚、遗憾或未完成的事情。第二周他邀请学员们大声朗读他们的清单。这看起来像一个不宜公开的事情，但众多人中总有一些勇敢的人自愿参加。当人们读他们的清单时，我的那份变得更长了。三周过后，我的清单上有101条。然后教员建议我们找一些途径来弥补，向人道歉或采取行动改正错误。我很想知道这怎么能够提高我们的交际能力，这样做只能众叛亲离。
又过了一周，坐在我旁边的那个人举起手，自告奋勇地讲出了下面这个故事。
“当我写我的清单时，我想起了高中时的一件小事。我在爱荷华州的一个小城中长大，这里有一个我们孩子们都不喜欢的治安官。一天晚上，我和我的两个朋友决定捉弄一下治安官布朗。喝了一点儿啤酒后，我们找了一桶漆，爬到城中心的大水罐上，用明亮的红漆写道：治安官布朗是个s.o.b。第二天，全城的人起来后都看我们醒目的大标语。两小时内，治安官布朗派人把我和我的两个朋友带到了办公室。我的两个朋友承认了错误，而我撒了谎，隐瞒了事实。最终也没有人发现这件事。”
“大约20年过去了，治安官布朗的名字出现在我的清单上。我甚至不知道他是否还活着。上周末，我打电话到家乡爱荷华州查资料。这里竟然还有一个罗杰·布朗。我拨了他的号码，响了几声之后，我听见：‘喂？’我说：‘治安官布朗吗？’停了一下。‘是。’‘嗯，我是吉米·考克斯。我想让你知道我过去做的那件事。’又停了一下。‘我早知道了！’他大声说道。我们开心地笑了，并愉快地聊了一会儿。他最后说：‘吉米，我总是为你感到难过，因为你的朋友把事情从内心说了出来，而我知道你这些年一直在心里承受着这件事。我想谢谢你给我打电话———也是为了你自己的解脱。’”
吉米鼓励我处理好我清单上的101件事。这几乎花了我两年时间，但这件事变成了我从事矛盾调解员这个职业的发展起点和真正的鼓舞。不管矛盾、危机或情形多么困难，我总是记住清除过去的影响，并且开始解决问题，这样做永远都不晚。